Every doctor is a veterinarian specialized for only one animal.
Every doctor is a veterinarian specialized for only one animal. Tweet this
Crucifixion is actually a very ironic death for a carpenter.
Crucifixion is actually a very ironic death for a carpenter. Tweet this
An organist is an organism that is an organization of organs playing the organ.
An organist is an organism that is an organization of organs playing the organ. Tweet this
The word ‘remarkable’ is a pretty lazy word. When you use it, you’re basically saying, “Wow, that is worthy of remark, but I can’t think of a good remark to describe it, so I’ll just use ‘remarkable’.”
The word ‘remarkable’ is a pretty lazy word. When you use it, you’re basically saying, “Wow, that is worthy of remark, but I can’t think of a good remark to describe it, so I’ll just use ‘remarkable’.” Tweet this
80% of the letters in the word “queue” aren’t pronounced.
80% of the letters in the word “queue” aren’t pronounced. Tweet this
When you dip a French fry into ketchup you’re dipping potato into tomato.
When you dip a French fry into ketchup you’re dipping potato into tomato. Tweet this
“Living in the Now” so hard? What if I tell you that you never live in your present, in fact, you always live in the past.
What is living? A sight of something, a taste of something, a touch of somebody – in short – all our senses together but mostly seeing and reacting to that sight is living.
Our Eyes Never See the Present
Believe it when I say that our eyes can never have a current glimpse of any object around, ever; we are always fenced in the aged collection of flashes. Sounds kooky? Grant me a chance to prove myself right.
Verification of this fact requires basic knowledge of how we see objects. Every object in our environment reflects the light which falls upon it and we are able to see that object via reflected light a few nano seconds later.
Since light travels approx. a standard foot (12 inches) every nanosecond, that means an object 10 feet from us is always 10 nanoseconds newer than what we’re seeing of it.
We see years old stars, eight minutes older sun and a 1.3 seconds old moon and never a later version of theirs. A star on the clear sky might already be dead for years and yet we are being served with its outdated version. Sun, that we see, is actually about eight minutes old and if, hypothetically, it disappears at once, we will keep seeing it for good eight minutes.
Believe is Astrology? I have a news for you – we can never see the actual state of a star at this very moment – our eyes are served with its outdated version, maybe, years older.
Every visible object is reflecting or radiating light to get marked in our eyes. Light takes time travelling distance even if it is just a few centimeters. Obliged to these natural laws, images our eyes see are of the past already. How long in the past depends on the distance of the objects, makes a fairly good case for heavenly objects and a weaker one for the earthly.
The moving, sailing and sliding rocks of Racetrack Playa, Death Valley National Park in California have garnered the attention of many scientists and visitors throughout the years. The Racetrack Playa is a dry lake featuring the race track imprints of the moving rocks. The moving rocks are a geological phenomenon where the rocks, some weighing about 318 kgs, move without any human intervention.
There have been many theories regarding the motion of these rocks. Research on this phenomenon started as early as 1915 when theories suggested that the wind had a role to play in moving the rocks. However, with some stones weighing 318 kgs, it is not probable for the wind to move them. Therefore this theory was discarded. In 1955, George Stanley, a geologist did extensive research on the phenomenon and stated the theory that ice sheets around the rocks help to catch the wind, initiating the movement. His theory again stressed that wind plays a role in the rocks’ movement.
Further research was done in the 1970s by Bob Sharp and Dwight Carey where they monitored the rock movement by naming the rocks and keeping a record of their changing positions over a period of seven months.
The research continued in the 1990s by the research students of Hampshire College and the University of Massachusetts Amherst. The movement of the stones was evident to be the result of two factors: wind and ice floes. In 1996 it was discovered that the wind blowing on the Playa could be intensified and compressed due to its smooth surface and the wind gusts initiate the movement while the moment keeps them moving.
Ice and Wind
In 2006, Ralph Lorenz, a NASA Scientist, investigating the weather conditions on other planets started researching on the moving rocks. Lorenz compared the meteorological conditions of the Racetrack Playa, Death Valley to those near Ontario Laucus, a vast hydrocarbon lake on Titan, a moon of Saturn.
Lorenz conducted a simple experiment where he placed a small rock in a Tupperware filled with water so that there was an inch of water with a bit of the rock sticking out. Next, he froze the Tupperware so that there was a small slab of ice with a rock embedded in it. He then placed the ice bound rock in a container of water with sand at he bottom. In order to move the rock across the water, he just gently blew on the rock and it slid. As the rock moved, it imprinted a track in the sand.
Research in 2011 established that the existence of many of the rock-carved trails at Racetrack Playa in Death Valley National Park is predominantly due to the effect of arbitrarily weak winds on rocks that are floated off the soft bed by small rafts of ice, the ‘ice raft theory’.
These ice cakes need not have a particularly large surface area if the ice is adequately thick-the ice cakes allow the rocks to move by buoyantly reducing the reaction and friction forces at the bed, not by increasing the wind drag. The parameter space of ice thickness and extent versus rock size for flotation is calculated and found to be reasonable. Lorenz’s experiment illustrated this ‘ice raft theory’. Therefore, wind and ice were both the favoring theories responsible for the phenomenon.
Don’t burn your eyes trying to read the explanation – copy/paste it into a notepad before reading.
1. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Pun is wordplay with two meanings, one literal the other humorous. kleptomaniacs is someone who ‘take things’ (steal).
2. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
What do you get when you cross an XXXX with a YYYY” is a common opening to a joke, leading the listener to prepare for the expected joke template and punchline. A rhetorical question is a question asked or stated to make a point, and not an actual inquiry with an expectation of an answer. The joke is that that sentence is a rhetorical question. So the answer is you don’t really get a joke, you just get a meaningless rhetorical question. Which is sort of funny, which actually does make it a joke. [Thanks verywary & rocketvat]
3. Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks “Do all of you want a drink?” The first logician says “I don’t know.” The second logician says “I don’t know.” The third logician says “Yes!”
Explanation: If any one of the three logicians does NOT want a beer, the answer to the bartender’s question is “No.” The first logician wants a beer, but doesn’t know whether his two friends do. So he says “I don’t know.” The second logician now knows that the first logician wants a beer, because if he didn’t he would have said no. And though he does want a beer, the he still doesn’t know whether the third logician wants a beer. So he says “I don’t know.” The third logician now knows that the first two logicians want beer, because otherwise one of them would have said no. So, as he also wants a beer, he now knows that all three logician wants a beer. So he can say “Yes.” [Thanks methamatician]
4. Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.
Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!”
Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found Pascal!”
Pascal is Newton over a square meter.
5. How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.
The difference b/w un-ionized and union-ized.
6. Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
We use the Decimal base (shorthand DEC) for our number system. Octal is another base system (shorthand OCT) if you convert Decimal 25, it is equivalent to OCT 31.
7. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bar tender: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The forth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a …” The bar tender interrupts: “Oh, fuck the lot of ya!” …and he pours a single full beer.
In mathematics, the infinite series 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 + 1/16 + · · · converges to a sum of 1.
8. Two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Mew here means friction. coefficient of friction -> μ -> mu -> mew
9. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”.
5 in Roman = V
10. The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
“Why did you buy 12 loaves of bread!?”, his wife screamed. “Because they had eggs!”
11. A programmer’s wife sends him to the store and says “get some bread, and while you’re there pick up some eggs” The programmer never returns.
The ‘while’ statement in programming languages never ‘returns’ unless something breaks it.
12. A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: “So, is it a boy or a girl” ?
The logician replies: “yes”.
Any questions that use “and” or “or” are logical questions, that is, can either be “true” or “false”. Is it a boy or a girl? Yes (it’s one of them).
13. Entropy isn’t what it used to be
In any real thermodynamic process or a system the total entropy of the at the end versus the beginning is always bigger i.e. it always increases.
14. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.
In chemistry, Helium belongs to the noble gases that doesn’t react to any substance.
15. Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
It refers to the famous Schrödinger’s experiment where he put the cat with a radioactive substance in a box. The experiment postulates that the cat can either be living or dead but we don’t know until we open the box.
16. Two men walk into a bar, the first orders H2O, the second says “I’ll have H2O too!” The second man dies.
First guy says H2O (meaning water). Second guy says H20 (too) as in H202 (meaning hydrogen peroxide). Hydrogen peroxide ishighly reactive and will kill you.
17. A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a beer and asks the bartender how much he owes. The bartender replies, “For you? No charge.”
Atoms are composed of positively charged protons, negatively charged electrons and neutrons with no charge on them.
18. There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who know binary and those who don’t.
In Binary the value 2 is represented by 10 (a one and a zero).
19. A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting outside of a bar when two men walk into the house across the road… Ten minutes later, three men walk out.
The physicist looks confused and says “There must an error in the measurements.”
The biologist retorts “No, they must have reproduced!”
To which the mathematician says “If one person goes inside, the house will be empty.”
From an outside perspective, there are 0 people inside. Add 2 people to the house, now the house has 2 people. Subtract 3 people (pretend a person materialized out of no where and is missing a person). Now the house has -1 people. So adding 1 person would make the house contain 0 persons, or as we understand it: be empty. [Thanks ibcooley]
20. A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The Photon replies “No I’m traveling light”
Photon is a light particle
21. Two atoms are walking down the street. The first one stops and says “I think I just lost an electron!” The second one replies “Are you sure?”
An atom with one less electron is a positively charged atom.
22. A farmer has a problem with foxes eating his hens. So he asks his physicist friend to help find a solution. The physicist spends a day thinking, then replies “Well, I’ve found a solution, but it will only work for spherical chickens in a vacuum”.
Basically, the joke is that scientists can ‘theoretically solve anything’, but the practical application of their work is often hindered greatly by physical effects (such as resistance, gravity, etc.). Hence, spherical chickens (a sphere having equal distribution of forces applied on its surface) and in a vacuum (where there is no resistance). [scepticalprophet]
Physicists always find a solution for ideal condition like “If we have an object moving with x speed and blah blah, ASSUMING there is no other forces and blah, blah”. Well assumptions are like “the object is a perfect sphere” or “there is no frictions, as if we were in vacuum”. Things like that. [Thanks Copioli]
23. Q: What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? A: Beer
In mathematics, ‘root’ and ‘square’ cancel out each other.
24. A man is on his first visit to Boston, and he wants to try some of that delicious New England seafood that he’d long heard about. So he gets into a cab, and asks the driver, “Can you take me to where I can get scrod?” The driver replies, “I’ve heard that question a thousand time, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive.”
In English, the Pluperfect Subjunctive tense of ‘screwed’ is ‘scord’. And scrod is a type of fish. The driver has heard people asking him to take some place where they can get screwed.
25. Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus?
In “The Odyssey,” the classic sequel to Homer’s “Iliad,” Odysseus goes through a lot of stuff trying to get home…
One of these things is crashing on an island and being captured by a cyclops, who was going to eat him and his crew.
The cyclops’ name is Polyphemus.
Odysseus gets the cyclops drunk, and Polyphemus asks Odysseus what his name is. Odyssesu says his name is, “Nobody.”
Odysseus blinds the cyclops while he’s sleeping, and then convinces him that the prisoners are escaping through the cracks between the cave entrance and the huge boulder he uses as a door (the cyclops is very dumb).
So Polyphemus opens his cave and shouts out to the other cyclops, “Help! Nobody is attacking me!” or some variation on that. Naturally, the other cyclops think he’s still drunk or insane or whatever and do nothing. Odysseus and his men escape. [Thanks el Águila]
26. A mathematician finishes a large meal and says: √(-1/64)
Explanation: √(-1/64) = √(-1)/(8) = i / 8 = (i over 8)
27. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He’s 0K now.
0k = zero Kelvin is equivalent to −273.15°C also known as absolute zero. He’s not OK, he’s 0k
28. There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.
One gigabyte or one gig in computer storage is 1024 megabytes or 1024MB.
29. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says “make me one with everything”.
The joke is a play on words, as the oft-quoted Buddhist “motto” is to “be at one” or “be at peace” with everything natural in the world.
30. The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the Buddhist monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Excuse me, but where’s my change?” asks the Buddhist monk. The vendor replied, “Change must come from within.”
When the Buddhist asked for his change, the vendor also used play of words by quoting a famous Buddhist statement “Change must come from within.”